I have this story that I really want to write.
I think that it's a good idea, and that it could be wonderful and unique with the proper touch of a pen. But I don't know how to write it. I don't know how to progress plot in a way that is compelling and I don't know how to think things through and I don't know how to focus on one thing long enough to grow with it and improve it and make it perfect.
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to. I'm afraid, so I don't try. I'm lazy. I'm scared and I can't and I won't.
It's the "I won't" that upsets me the most. Fear can be conquered. Inability can be overcome through education and effort. But unwillingness to try? That cannot be fixed. Wait, typo. What I meant to say was "That cannot be fixed by anyone but me". No person can instill in me the will to try. My parents can pay for my education. A teacher can show me a plethora of ways to approach what I am doing, introduce me every skill they possess. A friend can encourage me and support me and tell me to get over myself and just write the damn thing. But only I am able to want to try. And that scares me.
Maybe once I've gone to school for a while, I'll feel more capable, more worthy of writing something. Maybe I'll stop giving up whenever what I'm writing feels more like a self-indulgent diary entry, and instead know how to start over from a different angle. Maybe I'll be able to differentiate cheesy and pretentious and trite from poetic and deep and true. Maybe I'll write to impress myself, and not anybody else.
Maybe I'll get over myself and write the damn thing.
When my mother intends to do some writing, she always starts with a good hour or so of free writing, just to get in the hang of it. That always made sense to me.
ReplyDeleteGET OVER YOURSELF AND WRITE THE DAMN THING. You do realize that you're going to have teachers that will demand you write for them? And why not write something that you "think [is] a good idea"? I doubt you'd write something that's a bad idea.
Feeling capable usually helps. I often get an image in my head that I think would be a fabulous drawing, but I refuse to actually draw it. So I end up just writing down the idea, maybe doing a quick sketch, and then leaving it until the idea is no longer appealing to me, even though it would still be a good drawing. Don't waste creativity. People aren't creative enough. You have an obligation to create whenever an idea occurs to you. I don't care how insecure you are, or how lazy, or whathaveyou. Write the damn thing so that I can do the cover design for you.
It does sound like that would help in clearing up one's mind. What exactly qualifies as "free writing"? Like, does it actually have to be coherent? Probably.
ReplyDeleteThank you ;)It is certainly much easier to do schoolwork when you're not miserable and slogging away just for the grade. Haha, you haven't heard the breakup poetry.
Just with self-esteem and productivity. Why don't you draw it? DRAW IT. An obligation to make sure that the ratio of words to numbers in this world is always seriously unbalanced. Will the cover be beautiful and ethereal and explosive? Wait. Of course it will.
Writing whatever comes into your head, without paying attention to ANYTHING, like grammar/spelling/coherency/other people. ANYTHING. Just whatever comes into your head.
ReplyDeleteI'll text that to you upon occasion. Hey, now it actually means something. I've never been able to write poetry for the sake of emoting emotions. I always wanted to be able to though, but all I can get out in writing is long, self-indulgent rants with snide remarks.
So, with everything. It takes too long (and I also have to look the thing up to make sure it hasn't been done before, and that is just SUCH an effort). Precisely. An obligation to make the world think. That would depend on the plot, of course. We could be a duo. Like Rodgers and Hammerstein, just not with sappy musicals.
I believe that all emotions should be emoted. It's just that some of the emoting should never, ever be seen by humans or humanoid creatures. Not even the author should revisted them after they have been emoted. You could always take a course once you have time. You may see your rants as self-indulgent, but they always hold truth and are logical, and they make other people think.
ReplyDeleteBasically. Draw it anyway. If it's been done before, oh well. Don't include it in your first art show. About something other than themselves. Or about themselves differently. Or something. It's about maps and ladders and a briefcase. And we could have t-shirts made. But no capes.